Pippin's bootcamp
by DelphineAngua
Summary: Pippin thinks they're all too lazy and starts his own boot camp
1. When I'm king

**Day 1: ARAGORN**

Hate Pippin.  
Today we had to ride fifty miles and had some Nazgûl – fighting. Eowyn always shows off because it was her shredding the Witchking. In the evening, she cooked. Almost regurgitated my stomach. Hate Eowyn.

When I'm King, I'll have my own Witchking to fight against. And my own, excellent cook. And some shampoo.

And Eowyn will have to marry Denethor (Whoah, am I mean)... XD

Arwen turned up today. Love Arwen! When Pippin told her to put the evenstar into the safe, she almost chopped off his head. I've been really sad she didn't.

Nasty hobbit!

When we rode to Minas Tirith, I fell off my horse. Kind of awkward, I know. Eomer sniggered all the time. When I'm King, he's going to have some serious problems.

Want to sleep. Arwen is sharing a room with Eowyn, pretty sad. I'm sharing one with Faramir. Valar, this guy snorts! Maybe I should make _him_ wed Eowyn...


	2. Elves are whiny

Day 2 -GOLLUM-

Hate hobbits. After riding for a few hours, I tried to eat my horse, but naassssty hobbit hit me in my faccce...

Strange human-with-hair tried to cook fish in the evening... HORRIBLE! Stole a raw one, but I don't know how long I can go on like this.

In the afternoon, we had some Nazgûl - fighting. Everyone ran around with pointy swords, but I just sneaked around and ate my Nazgûl. Tasted yucky... too old.

Sleeping in a room with two nasty elvesssss... think it's Legolas and Elrond.

In the mornings, they're always hanging around in the bathroom for four hours to get their hair right!

Think I'll eat THEM next night.

-ELROND-

I hate my life. When I was young, Hobbits were showing some _respect. _Pippin made me sleep in one room with Gollum and Legolas... and Radagast will come tomorrow, so our room will be quite crowded with all my hair tining lotion, shampoo and shower gel.

Gollum throwed up right into Legolas hair lotion. He didn't notice, so he's been walking around with green hair for all the day. Everybody had to laugh and this softy nearly cried.

In the evening, we were singing a few campfire songs. I'm sure, Eowyn and Gollum have many, many talents, but they CAN'T sing. Quite sad. Of course, Arwen has the best voice and is the BEST singer. Just like her father.

Okay, I'll stop now, wanna sleep.

Did you like it? I think in the next chapter there'll be some Radagast+ Pippin stuff... NON-Slash, of course.

Namarie!


	3. Mushrooms and rabbits

Hi everyone, wrote this in the middle of the night... hope you like it.

**Day 3**

– RADAGAST-

Day three and it's still so boring. Pippin tried to eat my rabbits, but I told him to piss of. Hobbits are stupid and smelly!

Found some mushrooms. They're making quite nice cigarettes. _Many, many, many bright stars! I can fly... far away..._

Oooops, Gandalf's coming... better hide my mushrooms! I'm NOT about to share them!

**_NO WAY!_**

- PIPPIN –

Wizards are stupid! I only wanted to eat five of his rabbits and he chased me off!

...

It's not like he had't got enough of them...

*grumpy*

Well...

Food's pretty bad, Eowyn does all the cooking... *throw up* and only three times a day! I'm starving!

Boromir and Faramir are total homesick, they're crying all the time. Quite annoying. Now I'm tired, so I'll sign off.

- ARWEN –

My life sucks! No time, not a single hour for hanging around with Aragorn. And Eowyn is mooning over to him all the ime. I hate her! Rohan horsygirls are smelly and blonde and they CAN'T COOK! I'm elvish, I'm much more prettier than horsy... Ouch, she hit me hard...

Gotta sleep now... dreming of Aragorn. One day, we'll be king and queen and Eowyn will have to marry smelly Grima. He's mooning over to her all the time. Eternal love... *snigger*

Galadriel's coming tomorrow. Pretty intent about Pippin: How is he going to deal with the Lady of light? XD

Namarie!


	4. Moonshine and hair lotion

_To all Eowyn or Arwen fans: forgive me! They're no like the books' or the movies' characters..._

Day 4

LEGOLAS

I think Gollum used some ofe my hair lotion. I'll shred him. Tnight, when he's asleep...

Oh. Gosh. That guy never sleeps. Damn. He spents all his nights on stalking Arwen or Eowyn. He should decide on one of them, women get very nasty if they get to know they're nt the only woman in your life...

Please, don't ask.

Yes, I have been dating Arwen and Eowyn.

Damn, Aragorn's coming...

Better hide, if he ever, ever gets to know about Arwen and me... *throw up*

Gosh, my hair's still green...

EOWYN

Arwen arrived a few days ago! She'll destroy my whole relationship with Aragorn!

Why can't he see it's eternal love between us? Am I too obvious?

But it's so clear I'd be the best choice.

I'm blonde, I can cook, I can sing, I'm a warrior...

Not just a whiny she – elf with plunging neckline. *grumble*

Today I'll ask Aragorn for a romantic moonshine – ride…

PS: I'm bloody sure there's something going on between Arwen and Legolas…

HA! Now Aragorn's available


	5. White Light and pointy sticks

DAY 5

- NAZGUL –

I hate humans. They always stick pointy swords into my "body", but luckily, there's this "No myn can defeat me" – stuff.

Few hours later.

My life sucks. Gollum tried to eat me, hit him.

Eowyn killed me. This was very impolite.

- THRANDUIL-

Legolas is such a softy, I can't stand him. I asked his mother whether he was really my son or not. He is. DAMN!

Saw him mooning over to Tauriel. They're all like this at this age. I will not allow this. She looks better than me.

Galadriel arrived today, without Celeborn. Maybe she's single again, you can never say. Feanor's offspring are all like this. Invited her for dinner today... but not this horrible "Group dinner". Eowyn does the cooking. Legolas could marry her. She's not more beautiful than me and she's human. I'll talk to her uncle.

Few hours later:

DAMN, enethor has been faster than me. She will marry Faramir. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.

Looking very forward to meet Galadriel.

- TAURIEL-

This stupid softy – elf is always following me! Tried to shock him by telling I was going out with Kili. Didn't work. The same afternoon, he was hit by an arrow. Healed him with elvenmagic and white light. Quite funny, he was half unconscious an told me how beautiful Tauriel is, and then he said: "Do you think she could have loved me?"

Sweet. Lexie is so jealous, I can't believe it.

Hope you enjoyed it.

NAMARIE!


	6. SORRY! VERY SORRY!

WARNING:

Sorry, in my last chapters there have been many spelling mistakes.

SORRY!

But I can't correct them, as they say:

Administrator chapter 1 . Nov 13, 2013

Dear Author!  
It is against the guidelines of to continuously re-upload a story! Pleases follow the rules of this site or your account will be deleted!

Kind regards

I don't want my account to be deleted, so please forgive me!

Namarie


	7. Arrows and Sunshine

Hi everyone,thanks for your reviews.

Day 6

- KILI-

Oh Valar, I can't believe it.

I asked Tauriel ut and she said yes!

*Turn around, dancing happily, crashing into Legolas*

oooooooooooops, better run, Blondie is going to shred me.

TAURIEL! HELP!

-GANDALF-

Looks like I'm the only one with brains here. Everyone is smoking and arguing and dating someone else...

Well as a matter of fact, Galadriel has arrived.

Ummm.

Yes.

I _know _I'm 30000 years old.

Ummm.

Yes.

Think I'll sleep now.

And dream of Galadriel.

Celeborn is stupid!

Kili asked Tauriel out today. A few hours later he was hit by an arrow. Legolas? Tariel healed him with white light and so on. Boring. Lexie is sick of envy. Never liked these whiny elves.

...

Except of Galadriel.

DAMN! Radagast's coming.

Better hide my 20846 pictures of Galadriel.

*flush*

Fighting Sauron was easier than dating the Lady of light.


	8. One day in Pippin's Bootcamp

**_First of all, there has been enough fluff in my last chapters. Maybe later a bit more, but before there will be some daily stuff... Galadriel, Merry and Eomer are my next guests (chapter 9), but in this one..._**

**_Wait and read!_**

**_Special thanks to TiliaofAnkh and tommyginger, my loyal fans!_**

**_Oh, forgot something: Next chapter, a few characters will complain about the bootcamp, my whole stupid story and so on... :)_**

* * *

**_One day in Pippin's bootcamp_**

6.00 a.m.: Get up, you lazy *******!

6.10 a.m.: Breakfast

6.30 a.m. : Everybody (yes, Aragorn, this IS including you!) has to have a shower. Otherwise you're too yucky for me

7.00 a.m.: Riding (Eomer, Eowyn, please help them a bit! It's so ridiculous.)

12.00 Back again. Lunch.

- AFTERNOON NAP (yes, Aragorn and Gollum, you too) -

14.00 p.m.: Archery (Legolas, Kili and Tauriel, stop showing off!)

15.00 p.m.: Jogging to Mordor

15.30 p.m.: Teatime (only for Merry and me! *snigger*)

17.00 p.m.: Nazgûl – fighting

18.00 p.m.: Sword fighting stuff... you know... 'stick them with the pointy end', ask Faramir and Aragorn, I'd love to help you, but I'll be having my second tea time...

19.00 p.m.: Dinner. _Please don't allow Eowyn to do the cooking! Signed by Aragorn_

21.00 p.m. :A bit happy bonfire stuff. Eowyn, Gollum, you mustn't sing!

22.00 p.m.: BEDTIME!

23.00 p.m.: Late dinner (Merry and me again)


End file.
